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Not At One

by Eric Anders

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1.
Leave You Doubtful (©2003 Anders/Bohm) A long time Livin' pseudo love Has made me out So I can trust no other way Here you are Now by my side To take me on Can it only seem too much today? I won't deny You're takin' a lot of worries on And I'll tell you All that I can bear And I'll give you More than my fair share But I'll love you More than I'd ever dare And we'll hope it's always Always me that's there A long time Livin' future tense Has made me out So I can trust no joy today Here you are Now by my side I'm wishing you Could help me find some kinder way I won't deny You're takin' a lot of worries on And I'll tell you All that I can bear And I'll give you More than my fair share But I'll love you More than I'd ever dare And we'll hope it's always It's always... No givin' away Now givin' away Not livin' away Can't live it Only dream away Can I tell you All that you can't see Can I give you More than has come from me Could I love you More than life itself Not leave you doubtful, It's doubtful Can I tell you All that you can't see Can I give you More than has come from me Could I love you More than life itself Not leave you doubtful, It's doubtful
2.
Halycon Days 03:16
Halycon Days (©2002 Anders/O'Bitz) Sea waves crash She rode a storm into my arms I helped to calm her down Then we found I was far behind She couldn't wait She was storm bound If it's alright with you I think I'll stay here on my own Try to make myself a home If it's alright with you I think I'll find another way Try to turn these into halcyon days In a winter blast The next one fell Into my arms I helped to warm her up Then we found She got on her feet And gave me no time She was storm bound If it's alright with you I think I'll stay here on my own Try to make myself a home If it's alright with you I think I'll find another way Try to turn these into halcyon days Why can't I find A calm place, a home It seems that I'm Storm bound Storm bound If it's alright with you I think I'll stay here on my own Try to make myself a home If it's alright with you I think I'll find another way Get away from stormy days If it's alright with you I think I'll wait here for someone Who can help me find some calm If it's alright with you I'll stay I've waited too long My fate My fated to long I wait, I wait I've been waiting too long
3.
Wearily 04:02
Wearily (©2002 Anders/O'Bitz) He is hers He knows she is his He'll never forget But it's bedtime now She tucks him in Such a tired boy Wearily He watches on As she closes His bedroom door Don't go … away Not now Let me hear again How you love me … so And after time He's a grown man now With so many lovers he lies Still he believes He can reach it Wearily He watches on As his lovers Let him down Don't go … away Not now Let me hear again How you love me … so The bittersweet years Of his long marriage He treated comfort for reaching it But he is hers He knows she is his He'll never forget Wearily He watches on As they lower Her body down Don't go...away Not now Let me hear again How you love me...so Wearily He watches on Wearily He watches on
4.
Struggle 04:08
Struggle (©2002 Anders/O'Bitz) So what's your take on my struggle? And would you say I'm at it again? You know I lie here still … in silence Though I keep talking Never reaching an end Starting to hear the louder tones of insane If they are real, how could I ever explain? Staying with you here, it seems so crazy, While love awaits me beyond my fears What was that you said Looking out my window? "It's been too many years … too many years" Starting to hear The louder tones of insane If they are real How could they ever contain? Talk to me Don't let me Slide into That place Where only I can reside Struggle, struggle Looking out my window I know you see me Leaning on the pain Starting to hear The louder tones of insane I hope they are real I hope they'll always contain … yeah Starting to hear Those louder tones of insane How does it feel To watch me slip away?
5.
The Wisdom of Kisses (©2002 Anders/O'Bitz) Kisses are a better fate Than wisdom will ever be I was left to wonder ‘Til e. e. spoke to me He says that "feeling is first" And suggests I be a fool While spring is in the world If I could know That his wisdom is for me He swears by all the flowers And says … The best gestures of my brain Could never really help me To learn to wholly kiss you But don't cry for me Cause I'll feel all this wisdom Of his loving poetry Before the end of my summer If I could know That his wisdom is for me I'd swear by all the flowers And say don't cry for me Don't cry for me, don't cry for me Don't cry for me Do your eyelids flutter for me As you lean back in my arms Please laugh and don't cry I will learn to heed my song I will learn to heed my song If I could know That his wisdom is for me I'd swear by all the flowers and say Don't cry If I could know That his wisdom is for me I'd swear by all the flowers and say Don't cry ... Don't cry for me. I said don't cry
6.
Loveless Lame (©2003 Anders/Bohm) And they're not easy friends No love to be found They're not good at nice But they can't help hang around But they're not to blame It's happened all their lives They're the loveless lame And they're still making ties And they can't give it up Cause the other's treating them In such a familiar way This security is their friend But they're not to blame It's happened all their lives They're the loveless lame They keep on making ties The loveless lame It's always the same Generations of blame You know this shouldn't be the game So we're not to blame It's happened all our lives We're the loveless lame And we keep on making ties So we're not to blame It's happened all our lives We're the loveless lame And we keep on tellin' lies
7.
We Went Down 03:36
We Went Down (©2002 Anders/O'Bitz) Hello again I know it's been many years And since then We've grown apart without tears But I can't forget The way we used to get Our own place For privacy We went down Behind Murphy's fence To the creek Went across Then headed downstream For a mile Walked down the tracks To that big tree And then down There we were all alone And now Privacy's no problem here We keep it down So the kids won't hear But what I would give To find that place, relive Must I walk so far? We went down Behind Murphy's fence To the creek Went across Then headed downstream For a mile Walked down the tracks To that big tree And then down There we were all alone Repeat
8.
Not At One 03:49
Not At One (©2003 Anders/Bohm) Frame it as an ordinary view Yet every time I turn away Something...comes into view It's nothing...without you It's hard to say...anything I'm not at one with many things It's all out of focus as I sing Taken back by all of this that's new It's bound to break If I fall Something...seems so true It's nothing...without you I can't recall The very thing I'm not at one with many things It's all out of focus as I sing Your leaving has split me into two You held me so Then turned away Something...comes into view It's nothing...without you It's hard to say...anything I'm not at one with many things I'm not at one with many things Am I at one with anything? It's all out of focus as I sing
9.
Never Enough 03:33
Never Enough (©2002 Anders/O'Bitz) You check your watch We fumble for some words Who would suspect We've been together such a long long time? But we've shown a bit too much Can you only turn and run? You say, "I can't help it" No, you're right I'm sure It's hard to hope like before Don't try ... anymore It could never be enough It used to be You'd look at me and take me in Now, when I catch your eyes The only thing I see in them is distance And a bit of waning guilt You've seemed to have had your fill You say, "I can't help it" No, you're right I'm sure It could never be like before No point... anymore It could never be enough A question for you And one for me too What is enough? Can we decide With peace of mind Based on before And before the before? No, you're right I'm sure It's hard to hope like before Don't try... anymore It could never be enough No, you're right I'm sure It could never be like before No point... anymore It could never be enough
10.
Leaves Me Cold (©2002 Anders/O'Bitz) I'm thinking Floating by the side of the pool My hand's making little whirlpools It's not Justice Nor Beauty that occupy Just how Braddock never had it so … fine Oh, it leaves me cold All this thinking in the pool Baptism In my chlorinated luxury Irritated eyes make it hard to see It's not the water Which is heated over eighty five Just it's supposed to satisfy Oh, it leaves me cold The sun is shining Try to fake it like I just don't know Oh, it leaves me cold All this thinking in the pool My eyes widen As the whirlpool grows It's too late to save this fool Oh, it leaves me cold The sun is shining Try to fake it like I just don't know Oh, it leaves me cold I'm sinking in the pool
11.
Say Goodbye Again (©2003 Anders/O'Bitz) It's hard To feel this cold Can't brave my heart Enslaved my soul It's true What I want Is to take your hand Then to let it go I feel like I've been here forever I tell myself No, I'll never Fade, all those fears See why I Can't take these questions on No, all I've known Is to say goodbye say goodbye again... Goodbye again I can't Feel that way Tried hard It doesn't pay Can't leave The past behind Oh between Losses, I can't decide. Again I'll tell myself I'm clever To keep them here No, I'll never Take, it all away Realize, see my eyes again No, all I've known Is to say goodbye Say goodbye again Goodbye again Time is short And yes, I long to Settle here and with you belong to Maybe we weren't meant to follow This string that's tied I can't fall alone Am I fated to always sever Could it be and will I ever Take... on these fears They hold on Can I open up again? But what if she says goodbye? I'll say goodbye before then It's over now There's no more time And I can feel the end No, all I've known Is to say goodbye Say goodbye again Again … again … again.
12.

about

The melodic and moody debut release from this California-based singer-songwriter.

credits

released September 13, 2003

Produced by Richard Barron and Eric Anders.
Initial production by Benedikt Bohm and Sylvia Ryder.
Initial recordings at Starfish Records.
Final recordings at Sonora Recorders.
Mixed at Sonora Recorders by Jeff Peters, except "Not At One" and "Never Enough" mixed by Richard Barron.
Mastered at Future Disc by Kris Solem.
Engineered by Benedikt Bohm, Sly West, and Richard Barron.
Second engineering by Seth McLain and Dan Hoal.
Photographs by Marlon Bohm and Sylvia Ryder.
Back cover photo by Marlon Bohm.
Design by Coco Shinomiya/MonsterX.

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Eric Anders California

Californian singer-songwriter, Eric Anders, released his anti-Trump album, Eleven Nine, in the spring of 2017. The album was produced and mixed by Matthew Emerson Brown.

See Eric's latest release, released as a duo with Mark O'Bitz in June, 2018: Of All These Things. Eric and Mark are working on their second duo release, Ghosts To Ancestors, which should be out early 2019.
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